Just got back from the BEAUTIFUL winter scenery and a looong walk with a good friend of mine. Oh, it FINALLY snowed in here, and I’m ecstatic! We were kicking snow all around and just enjoying the cold breeze and the lightness of life. I feel so peacefull, certain and calm all around. Everything feels just the way it should be feeling. Through good and bad times in my life I’ve always have this inner peace which would always tell me that everything is gonna be ok, I’m loved and all things are just the way they should be.
It’s funny how almost 5 years ago JUST before I got sick with Graves disease I had a long period in my life when I just felt good. I was just in this same inner peace-state that I mentioned before. I just…well…floated around. Everything was OK and all things just fell in their right places. Because I was still quite young I remember SO vividly that one night when I thought “Oh! It’s been SO happy and so peacefully and so ok that I want some ACTION. I want something big to happen again so I can grow and feel challenged! I can’t grow as a human being when I’m HAPPY. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger! Happiness does nothing but put me in a boring static where nothing goes forward”. Little did I know when I said that since 2 weeks after that I was diagnosed with the disease and everything went up side down for the next 5 years. After that, when I was struggling with life most, I always remembered that evening and shook my head in disbelieve how STUPID I was when I said that. Like it would be the real reason all went so wrong. A punishment for me not valuing enough what had been given to me.
Two years after that evening I was sitting outside of my fathers terrace, looking at the lake and talking about everything related to life with him. I told him about that one night and he smiled and said to me something that would change me deeply. “It’s funny, how people think that only pain makes you grow. That only through that agony you feel somehow more alive than what you would, if you’d be happy. It’s wrong. Happiness can make you grow as much, and EVEN more, than pain can. It just depends of the person to take advantage of that time and letting it lead you further. We just so rarely are taught that.” I stopped. Blinked. Inhaled and thought about that evening again, when I had said the exact opposite…and SWORE than when all this is over, when I’ll survive, when the most acute pain is over and when I start to heal, I’ll NEVER gonna take it for granted again. I’ll cherish it and make the most of it.
So today, when I was admiring the snowy lakesides and the buzz of the city in a white and cold gown I remembered my fathers words…and realised how happy I was again. How I had just found that peacefull place again and I was there at the beginning of another cycle. How soooo much has happened and how different I am now and it’s all good that it happened.
I will make the most of this. And I’m never gonna be anxious again about my happiness. I now realize how much more this can bring to my inner wealth than any pain could ever bring. And I can so clearly see the potential it gives me and gives to others around me.
Through this realization I was not afraid so much about changing and making decision to challenge myself mentally, spiritually and physically. To go a step further to be more better. Growing is a good place to be – with all it’s might and the fret it brings.

“It’s emphatic to remember first and foremost that we are not human beings having a spiritual experience, rather we are spiritual beings, having a human experience” -Wayne Dyer