Ok, the topic is a bit more dramatic than it should be, but it got your attention, right?

People always ask me how come i love to training so much. How come I don’t get bored on healthy stuff. To me, it’s obvious, it’s because I want to life long and I want to live healthy. I know my odds are not that great because of my health history. I know the research and the statistics, but I realize that I have the power to affect those statistics AND there is always the factor of chance. I just might get lucky. Even more luckier than I am now. I just might do lots of good to myself by taking care of my body and mind AND even get the chance to live long and happy without any problems at all.

At least, that’s how I, in my heart, see these issues. I can only do my best against the great odds and enjoy the ride as long as it takes.

When I first got sick with my autoimmune thyroid disease, I read all kinds of research on how patients with different autoimmune issues have a high risk of getting new, different, autoimmune conditions – which can be sometimes be lethal. Also, people with autoimmune stuff have a higher risk on getting cancer. When I read those I though “ah, well, shit happens, I have to fix this problem first, before I can worry about that.” I decided that I’m not gonna sweat it. I have a higher risk to die suddenly in a car accident tomorrow than to get cancer tomorrow. I saw that, what ever happens, I can’t do nothing but my best. All i can do is to play the best game that I can with these cards I have and take each move when it comes – one by one.

Today something happened that made me remember why I feel my happiness so vividly and why it’s such a constant state of being for me:
Last spring I got a small rash on my ankle. It was nothing bad. Just a small spot of dry skin and it didn’t even itch. I tried to make it better with some lotion but after couple of months it spread to my other ankle. It was still nothing bad. It didn’t hurt and it didn’t really look so bad either. But after it spread I though that I should probably go and check it out with a doctor. The doctor said that it’s gonna be ok, and just put some cortisone lotion on it. Well, I did, and the other ankle, where it’d spread, did heal. But the original rash still stayed. Since it was nothing bad, I lived with it for almost a year, until last month I started to put cortisone lotion to it again. I had planned to heal it away before the summer comes so I don’t have to worry about it anymore. Everything was ok until last week I noticed that same kinda small spot of rash on my knee. I didn’t think much of it then, but a week after that i noticed another dry spot on my shoulder and started to get a bit worried.

So I went to the doctors yesterday. And she basically said that there is 4 options.
1. It’s an allergic reaction to something, but it’s unlikely.
2. It’s psoriasis. A mild one, but still, psoriasis.
3. It’s a skin condition called lichen planus which is an autoimmune disease.
4. She’s wrong and it’s nothing above, but something totally different.

Nice. Well. I didn’t worry too much about it. I have learned to take things as they are, and until they completed the skin testing I was not gonna be hysterical.

This morning though I noticed a new spot on my tummy. They don’t look so bad (just basically a little red area with some dry skin) and they still don’t itch at all, BUT it made me a bit more worried. I tried to call the hospital if they could take the skin samples already today, but the earliest appointment they had was on Monday. So I have a whole weekend before me to try not to think what’s wrong in my body again.

Like with every other condition I have, I always try to learn everything it about it. So of course my first reaction was to look up the different conditions and try to see my options. If it’s psoriasis, I can live with it. They can heal it pretty nicely now days and I’m pretty sure mine wouldn’t be so bad. If it’s allergic reaction, great. I stop eating the stuff I’m allergic to. If it’s another autoimmune disease…well…apparently then my risks of getting cancer doubles up from the previous risks and it might be tricky to heal, since nobody really knows what’s affecting it…but I could handle that. If it’s something entirely different, I take it as it comes, and deal my hand in a different way. And then it kinda dawned to me. I realized that whether it’d be this or that, I would still just take it as it comes and be “happy with it”. I realized that through my previous battles with my health, I had learned a certain kinda acceptance in my life. It’s not gonna prevent me from fighting back and it certainly isn’t same as surrendering. It’s more like a feeling just being O.K with the things that come and being certain that not matter what they are, I can handle it.

So although, I’m slightly worried, it reminded me again why I’m doing what I’m doing. Why I’m aiming to take nothing for granted and why I want to live each day to it’s fullest.

Life happens. After reading from today’s news that there is over 40 000 people in Los Angeles whom got HIV from re-used syringes in an hospital, I’m pretty sure my case is still pretty good. I’m still alive. I have nothing that is gonna kill me. I have a RISK that i might get something that kills me. But that’s a different thing. Until they diagnose me with something lethal I’m not gonna quit. And even if they would diagnose that it’s something lethal, I’m STILL not gonna quit.

So it has been kinda empowering to notice my thought processes in these issues. Yeah, I’ve been a bit worried, it’s normal when something new and un-ordinary happens but it still revalued my perspectives and my inner strength. It reminded me how stubborn I can be and how I have an natural way of seeing things in a positive light. I saw, that despite of everything, I’m very very VERY blessed in those ways.

So maybe it’s nothing, maybe it’s something. We’ll see on Monday.

Until then I’m not gonna take my blessings for granted. I adapt. Accept. And I stay happy.

“Now if you are going to win any battle you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. The body will always give up. It is always tired in the morning, noon, and night. But the body is never tired if the mind is not tired.” -General George S. Patton